Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
