Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
my poor anus
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize