Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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