it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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