I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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