A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
