Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize