I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
