I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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