i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
