So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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