she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
