Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
