Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is her dick bigger than yours?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize