nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
