I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
