new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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