Cold hands, warm shart.
this beer tastes like vomit already
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
