Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
