I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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