you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize