watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
