i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
