my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
