I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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