Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
