Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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