yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
