she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
