I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
