AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
