Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
