ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dicks are not precious.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
