I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
