Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize