why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
