My friends, they love my intelligence
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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