im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
