I just threw up on my dentist
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Found your dick twin last night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
