I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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