you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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