If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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