we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
