YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
