would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
