They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
