It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
