Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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