smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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