God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i wish my penis had a tongue
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
