everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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