they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
