Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
