The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
