Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
