Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
