so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
