My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
