In the future we'll all be gay
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
