Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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