Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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