went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
