he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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