I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
