On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize