david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
