just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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