Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They took my balls.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
